To have a village, you have to be a villager.

The best place to cry is in the shower. Let it out.

You will sleep again one day. The nights are long. I know. But they pass. You will get a full night’s sleep again. While it’s hard, choosing deep breaths and a positive mindset genuinely helps you survive. That and a strong coffee.

It’s okay to mourn your life before the baby. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby or something is wrong with you. It’s totally normal to have this weird homesick feeling in the pit of your stomach. Take time to acknowledge the transition to parenthood. It’s a big shift, physically, mentally and hormonally.

Postpartum depression can happen to anyone. Have a conversation with your partner before baby arrives about a plan if things start getting a bit grim. Ask things like: “How is it best for me to tell you I’m struggling?” “What signs will you look for if I need extra help and can’t voice it,” “Who’s a safe person we can reach out to if we need support?” These conversations matter and are helpful when you’re sleep deprived, your hormones are wild and things feel dark.

When my first child was born 12 years ago, the term ‘contact nap’ wasn’t even a thing, but please, enjoy the chest naps and newborn snuggles. They don’t last long and they are truly the best part of having a newborn. You can’t teach a 6 week old bad habits no matter what your Grandmother tells you. Enjoy it.

If you have the financial capacity, invest in yourself postpartum. There’s no point the baby wearing the latest Jamie Kay drop while you’re stuck in the wrong size maternity bra with nothing breastfeeding-friendly or confidence boosting.

It’s okay to lie to plunket.

Co-sleeping or sleeping a baby in their bassinet - do whatever works for your family but following safe sleeping guidelines is important.

Lower your expectations. Of yourself, your house, your productivity.

Breastfeeding is a skill and something both you and your baby learn. While it would be sooooo nice to give birth, pop a baby on the boob and just feed away with a full milk supply… it’s not always that easy. You’re learning and your baby is learning and unfortunately you’re also the teacher. Sore nipples will happen. I always found latching on, counting back from 10 and wriggling my toes the most helpful way to get through those initial first few days when your nipples feel like they are on fire. If it still hurts horrifically after a week or two, get a lactation consultant to check things over or chat to your midwife.

Resentment towards your partner. As someone who has breastfed all three of my babies, I know how many constraints this can bring. Especially in the first six months, it often means that wherever the baby is, I am too. And this (said lightly, but honestly) can be one of the hardest things to navigate. Watching your partner continue life with relatively little change, simply because they aren’t responsible for feeding the baby, can quietly breed resentment. It’s an ugly feeling, and it’s usually followed by a tit-for-tat mindset that helps no one. So what’s the solution? I can’t say I’ve mastered it. But I do know that clear communication, shared expectations, and naming the feeling early matters. And so does reminding myself that this isn’t my forever. It’s my season. There will be a time again for the gym, for dinners with friends, for more freedom. But right now, I’m needed here and that matters too.

Comparison is a thief, especially on social media.

Look at the evidence around alcohol and breastfeeding. You don’t need to pump n dump. You do however deserve to enjoy a wine. Even a marg. Maybe both.

Take people’s advice with a grain of salt (oh the irony as here I am sharing all my learnings), but every tom, dick and over opinionated Mother in Law or stranger on the street is going to tell you what you should be doing with your baby or what worked with them. Some of it may be genuinely helpful. Some of it, pop straight in the bin (see notes on instinct).

So, there’s probably plenty more I could add, but hopefully some of this helps or at the very least gives you a few screenshots to reread at 3am while you’re rocking a baby and questioning every life choice you’ve ever made. Parenting is a journey where you can feel like you’re absolutely nailing it one week, only for your baby to switch things up the next.

If nothing else, know that most parents are figuring it out as they go, fuelled by caffeine, instinct and blind optimism.