17 November 2022
The constructs of modern dating are a mess. Sick of messing with Fuckboys? You don’t have to.
Urban Dictionary defines a “Fuckboy” as a boy who plays with girls' feelings and doesn’t really like them and would say anything a girl wants to hear to essentially have their way with them. Urban Dictionary goes on to elaborate that generally fuck boys are cute and dress great, but are players. A clear red herring!
The dating scene in 2022 is abysmal for most. It’s messy, people are shit communicators, others are entitled. So how do you get over the doom and gloom of dating a fuckboy?
Well in all honesty, I’ve amassed significant dating experience and I have to say that I have impeccable taste in men. Yes, it may not have worked out but that’s largely due to personality differences (I can be a litttttttle difficult), respecting each other’s boundaries or just wanting different things. All the men I’ve dated have been respectful, handsome, charming and kind. Noone has fit the mark of being a fuckboy, and I think it’s because I have a fuckboy spidey sense. I also won’t take any shit from a man in the slightest form (like… don’t test me or I’ll pop off…).
Perfectly timed with the new show F*boy island, I’m here to tell you that you deserve better. So, if you’re talking to your situationship and he only texts you at 2am to ask if you’re up, here’s some of the things that make my fuckboy radar spiral when looking for your next prospective suitor.
Well in all honesty, I’ve amassed significant dating experience and I have to say that I have impeccable taste in men.
1. He makes you feel like the bare minimum is special
Any man that makes you feel special because he texted you back once during the day is seriously misguided. I understand that the bar is clearly in hell, but once a guy tried to tell me that it’s obvious he likes me because he messages me every day and I literally rolled my eyes. Any man that tries to make you feel like menial tasks are displays of affection are worth an eyebrow raise. It may not be full fledged f*boy territory, but it’s a little bit of an amber flag.
2. He wants to hang, but only when it's on his terms.
What do I mean by this? A lack of forethought or planning. For me, a winning trait of any man is a man who asks you out, suggests a plan and makes the booking. It’s hot and it shows foresight and planning ability. It’s just attractive. I like to come over to chill and watch movies too, but only orchestrating hangs like this and expecting you to run admin shows a lack of effort. I always like to say “If he wanted to, he would” because it’s just that simple - if a man likes you and wants to do something, he would. If you show discontent at a mediocre date plan, he will do better. If he doesn’t… don’t read between the lines because he really just doesn’t care. A lack of effort in my opinion is a lack of interest, regardless of whether or not you’re in a relationship. I’ve had situationships where we’ve set out that we are not boyfriend and girlfriend, yet the investment of time and money has been remarkable. Don’t settle ladies.
3. He follows a shit tonne of women on social media
A huge red flag: If a man is following predominantly women on Instagram or Tik Tok, you can tell he has fuckboy tendencies. It’s an indication that he may not really be a monogamy kind of guy. What’s worse is if he’s liking thirst trap photos of B-list insta-models constantly.
A man who follows lots of women may not in and of itself show definitive traits of a fuckboy, however, there’s more of a likelihood that he uses instagram to meet his women and slides into their dm’s.
Conversely, a big green flag is when his social media following is predominantly sport pages, food spots or tattoo parlours, and he spends his time scrolling through recipe videos (like yes… cook for me baby).
4. He’s smooth
We all want a man that’s funny and charming. When I raise an eyebrow is when there’s any boy that’s too smooth and cliche. He’s saying what you want to hear, as opposed to how he really feels and that’s the biggest ick to me because it shows that these lines are tried and tested on other women.
One thing I find phenomenal about the guy I’m seeing at the moment is that despite the fact that I want a compliment, he really pauses and thinks about it before saying something. When I asked him why he took what felt like 19239132 minutes to formulate that sentence, he said that people just say a bunch of shit that they really don’t mean, and he wants to be sure that he can stand by what he’s said. That really resonated with me and to be honest, I’m personally more drawn to men like that.
It’s easy to be a smooth operator and offer up a lot of promises you don’t keep. If he seems to be saying the right things before he even knows you, it’s a big red flag.
5. Let’s talk about Sex
Look, it’s a pivotal part of any relationship and a good indicator of whether or not there’s chemistry.
But… does every conversation just circle back to this? Is he ignoring you during the week just to text you on Friday night at 2am saying “You up?”
He just wants you for a booty call, girl. And while that’s okay if you’re on the same page, if you’re actually wanting somewhat of an emotional connection and he’s viewing you as a physical means to an end, you can do better, sis. It’s a clear sign of a lack of respect and I think you can do better with someone that’s on the same page.
This also links into honesty. As I’ve said above, the modern construct of dating is confusing and there is no one size fits all approach but a pertinent component is honesty and communication. If you are both in the initial stages of dating and you’ve talked about being exclusive or not exclusive, you want the respect for the other person to just be honest with you (from both a mental health perspective, and a health and safety perspective).
So girls, as we head into hot girl summer, just watch out for yourself and your girls. If your mate is dealing with a man who just isn't it, tell her. Stay safe out there ladies!